First stumble

     To be honest I have had my fair shares of problems. When I was younger  I thought it was the end of the world. I would sit and make plans, solutions for problems I had no control over. I would contemplate for solutions and google this and that but nothing would help. If you are older you KNOW that shit will just get harder, but no one ever told me that it would get like this. Two days ago I was sitting on my bed and thinking what the fuck am I going to do. I had problems but to be honest it was more of a problem and this problem made me feel like I was drowning in the sea but in reality I was drowning in a cup of water. This is where your mind comes into play because you would start thinking about your problem and then, that one problem would bring other problems, its like a tree that grows branches of problem as your mind thinks of them but the source or the root is your mind.

  My cars transmittion stoped working about 2 days ago and I wouldn’t  really be too upset about it if I didn't have to drive to work everyday and I know what you would say “ jay just take public transportation” and I did, a 30 minute drive ended up being a 2 hour venture to work in the sun. I had to walk more that 2 to 3 miles in total in the sun with my skin being sensitive to the sun.  So I am walking, tired with my face irritated and red. This should tell you that I was never doing that again.   When I was at work a coworker told me that she leased a car and it was a great idea, so I soon as I got home from work I went to a honda dealership. Little did I know that there was where all of my problems will start. I am talking to the guy and he is painting me a fuking rainbow with unicorn blood in his hand. We are talking and he was probably looking at this 20 year old female and thought of ways he can take what I work so hard for , my money. So we are talking and he is owing me away with what he is saying, “ you can take the car today” “is yours” “ want some coffee?” I sat there for about 4 hours to finaly leave on the Bridge of crying.

He told me you just have to pay your first month and dmv fees and something else and I knew that thats what I had to pay for so I did before I did anything else, I payed like money was nothing. So after I payed the car was ready for me I just needed to get insurance for my car which should have been the first thing we did. Insurance for me alone was $800 and I don't know who is paying $800 a month for car insure but I am definitely not. So now you can see where I am going with this. I can’t  take the car that I already payed for without car insurance so what to do, what to do. I felt like I was put in a corner with nowhere to go, I couldn’t get my money back and I wasnt going to pay $800 a month. The only thing I knew was that I needed to get to work to be able to pay my bills and without a car I wasn't able to and with I car I wasn't going to be able to pay for my bills, so I was stuck stuck, I needed and escape. For as long as I can remember  I would always bring my problems to God but this time I couldn’t, I couldn’t speak to him because I knew that as soon as I open my mouth I would burst out crying , I told him that I couldn’t speak I was speechless because I have never seen myself in that situation.  I just needed some rest but not physically,  I had slept all day thanks to zzzquil.  But my heart needed some rest and I remembered that one verse in the Bible 1 Peter 5:7  “Cast all your enxiety On him because he cares for you”.
So I prayed and cried and I felt better.
But this blog is not about religion is about the problems I face as I grow up and I how I deal with them. This was how I was able to deal with this and although there isn’t a solution yet because I’m currently still trying to figure things out.